In years past I felt great irritation at older people who seemed to just sit around and chuckle about the screwed-up world. This was in my hometown Portland and was focused in particular on a distinguished in-law who happened to be an Emeritus Professor at prestigious Reed College. After all, he had been on the committee that awarded Rhodes Scholarships, had lectured in Kenya and authored a textbook on East African history.

So why didn't he DO something about the problems that confronted our city? Problems like school overcrowding, growing homelessness, emerging gang activity, police racism ...

These days, older and presumed wiser, I'm getting glimmers of understanding. I've always been what used to be called a bleeding heart liberal and while in college I wrote passionate papers on social problems that plagued our society. I was personally devastated by the assassination of Kennedy, didn't have guts enough to protest the Vietnam war but throughout my life have written innumerable pointed letters to editors.

And when it came to the so-called impeachment of Bill -- on-camera I proudly carried a sign and off-camera wrote to the House Judiciary Committee: How about this, Clinton admits he lied when you guys admit you WISH you could get blow-jobs in YOUR offices?

And then the travesty of the current administration -- my indignation has been profound! Not to mention my heavy involvement in the Hillary campaign, the joy of being introduced to her, the belief that bright, active individuals make the difference. And ALL the talking and writing I've done in support of these gut-deep convictions.

But at this point I'm coming to understand that age necessarily brings disillusionment. And not just in the realm of politics. Yes, George W. Bush has damaged or destroyed many protections of America and Americans. And there now seem to be an increasing number of ostensibly intelligent people who want NO government. (The Libertarian convention was like watching people from another planet!) But I find myself making mental lists of stupid commercials, of violence presented as entertainment, of visceral hate of women and minorities, of public school failings -- of the seeming reduction of everything to the lowest common demoninator ...

So what do I with this disillusionment? First I cry -- and I'll admit that historically I've been much better at yelling than crying -- but then do I consciously turn away from the acid burn and switch to exotic music and laughing off the foibles of my country? Stay tuned ...

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Positively,
Carolan